What to do to help when your child is a BYSTANDER
ØHelp your child eliminate excuses for not getting involved.ØReview different ways to help:
§ Refuse to watch and/or join in on the behavior
(don’t give the bully an audience)
§ Change the subject
§ Tell the person doing the bullying to stop§ Be a friend to the target/victim (talk to them later; write them a
note; call them at home)§ Tell an adult (there is a difference between tattling and telling:
tattling is when you tell to get someone in trouble & telling is when
you inform to get someone out of trouble.
ØCompliment your child when they have helped a friend in a difficult situation.
What to do to help when your child is a VICTIMØBe a good listener.ØLet your child know that they are not alone in this.ØLet your child know that it is not their fault.ØCompliment your child on their ability to share this problem and compliment
their strengths – empower!ØGuide your child through the problem-solving process & inform the school.
ØRole-play ways to handle and be assertive.ØFind books and movies that address similar issues and discuss them with your childØInvolve your child in activities outside of school.
ØBe a positive role model.
What to do to help when your child is using BULLY BEHAVIOR
ØIntervene immediately with restitution, resolution and reconcilitation!
o Restitution involves fixing what you did wrong – apologize
o Resolution involves figuring out how to keep it from happening againo Reconciliation involves coming up with a way to heal the hurt – inviting the
other person over, writing a note, etc.
ØNurture empathy through conversation, TV, movies, books and volunteerism.
ØTalk about your feelings and the feelings of others.
ØCreate opportunities to “do good” and compliment.
ØUse a Behavior Change Worksheet (stop by my office for a copy).
ØMonitor TV, computer, and music.
ØBe a positive role model – actions speak louder than words.
ØShare your own experiences with bullying.
ØEngage your child in constructive and fun family activities.
What not to doIf your child is bullying:
Do not ignore.Do not punish, but discipline instead – it’s a learning process.
If your child is the victim:
Do not rush in to solve the problem.
Do not tell your child to fight back.
Do not rush to confront the bully or their parents.
Do not minimize, rationalize or explain away the issue.
If your child is the bystander:Do not tell your child to NOT get involved.
Role play different ways in which your child can safely intervene.